Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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