A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
