Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
