Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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