Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
