I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
