I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
