I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
