Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
