Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
