thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
