just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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