you win again, gameday.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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