Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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