He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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