Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
