No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
