My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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