so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
