My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
