i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
