I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
