I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
