please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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