Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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