Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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