Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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