ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
they're like a gay fantastic four
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
