I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
