wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There r osticjed everywhere
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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