WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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