Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
