you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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