tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
thus making me awesome and them whores
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
