Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh god it's open bar.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
