I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
