How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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