girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
