He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
