maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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