On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
