The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
