Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
