I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
