i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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