All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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