And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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