Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
