I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
