OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
