I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
