I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
