Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
be right there i have to get my cape
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize