Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
