It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
