Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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