I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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