If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
