he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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