i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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