The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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