Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
