p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
