update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
