i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
