too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize