Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
