North Korea, Best Korea!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
