My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
