Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
