your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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