I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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