im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm just crazy horny about you
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
