why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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