Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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