fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Randomize
