Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize