Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
where am i from again
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
