Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize