I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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