So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
