can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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