you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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