so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
