Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize