it's like iHOP with fire
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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