I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
